In one of my children’s books, Tootle the train, goes along the countryside longing to be free from the tracks that hold him a captive. He desires more and more to roam the fields and pick wildflowers, so much so, that one day he decides to jump the tracks. When he does he gets stuck and is unable to move. He finds that what he thought was freedom turned out to be slavery. Only when he is rescued and begins to run on the tracks once again does he understand that he was designed to run on the tracks and there is freedom on the tracks. There is true freedom only on the tracks.
In this verse, the author of Hebrews wants us to understand that God designed us to enjoy the gift of sexuality only in the bond of marriage. It is in this that true freedom lies. The key idea of this verse is that marriage is a sacred institution to be held in honor. Those who despise God’s program for marriage find themselves under His consequential judgment. In this passage the author describes two attributes of the marriage relationship.
I. Marriage Is a Privileged Institution
The first attribute of marriage the author of Hebrews describes for us is that marriage is a privileged institution. In the beginning of verse 4 the author uses the word marriage in an interesting way. He doesn’t just say “marriage” but he uses the definite article in front of the word marriage. That doesn’t translate too well into English but it is important. Literally he begins the verse by saying, “THE marriage.” Why does he do this? He is not speaking about marriage in general or about individuals’ varying ideas on marriage. He uses the term “The marriage” to refer to the institution of marriage and its establishment by God in Genesis 2.
The genesis of marriage must be found in the book of Genesis. Genesis 2 is the foundation for what God has to say about marriage throughout the Scripture. Before the fall, before any evil had been accomplished, God created marriage to be experienced and enjoyed in all purity. In Genesis 2:18, after the creation of Adam, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” When God had completed the first marriage ceremony (He brought the woman to the man), the Scripture says, “The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” This shameless nakedness is found only within the privileged institution of marriage. It cannot be found anywhere else. You can have nakedness apart from it but not apart from shame.
Marriage is a privileged institution. It is not for everyone. God places limitations on it; He defines it, for a reason. He mentions two features of the privileged nature of the marriage institution.
A. It is singular in its orientation
The first feature of the privileged nature of marriage the author describes is that it is singular in its orientation. God has delivered marriage to us as a gift and it must be understood in the context in which He gave it. The author tells us two ways that marriage is singular in its orientation.
1. It is to be highly acclaimed
The first way he tells us that marriage is singular in its orientation is that it is to be highly acclaimed. The phrase he uses at the beginning of verse 4 is, “marriage is to be held in honor.” The word he gives for honor is used in various contexts for that which is precious. Mostly the word is used of precious metals or gems. It can also describe the costly nature of one’s life. The verb form of the word is used to describe how people put a price tag on something. It can also refer to the praise that is due God. The author calls us to recognize the great worth and value of marriage. It should be seen as something to be highly treasured. Marriage is to be seen for the valuable institution that it is.
Why is marriage so honorable? Marriage is the glue that binds society together. As soon as marriage is denigrated in the eyes of people, society begins to break down. This should not be something of which you are altogether unaware. The decline of marriage in this country has been the cause of the raging disintegration in the nation.
It is to be greatly treasured. It is of inestimable value. I think a reason many people fail to see its awesome worth is this; many live out marriage under the curse of Genesis 3 instead of the restoration of Ephesians 5. In Genesis 3, a curse overtook the marriage relationship because of Adam’s failure to care for his wife and protect her from the temptation of Satan. In Genesis 3:16 the Scripture says (loosely), “Your desire will be to rule over your husband but he will dominate you.” There is, because of Adam’s neglect, a desire in the wife to take control and look out for her own best interests. However, she was not designed for the task of self-protection. And by doing so she takes upon herself a pressure and burden she was never meant to own. So in response to this action, the curse brings up in a man a greater desire to mistreat the wife who he is supposed to protect. This causes strife and chaos in a marriage. If a marriage is to thrive then both husband and wife need to truly live for one another.
And in Christ, we can live in a completely new way in the marriage relationship. We are to live according to the pattern of Christ for His bride, the church. Paul describes this pattern in Ephesians 5. In verses 25 and following he describes this new pattern of the husband for his wife. “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” The husband is to live in this selfless way, giving himself for his bride to make her more like Christ. It is to be a life of selfless denial. Men, you need to be living this way for your wife. She is your own flesh and you are killing yourself if you neglect her physical and spiritual needs. In this same passage Paul speaks of wives, being “subject to your own husbands.” This refers to a wife respecting her husband and seeking his leadership in their marriage.
Now this cannot take place unless both of you are willing to humble yourself before each other. This cannot take place unless both of you are committed to letting Christ rule in your marriage. When this is truly the goal of the husband and wife, the beautiful fragrance of the marriage relationship will be experienced, not only by the couple but also by those who behold it’s outworking. And this doesn’t happen without diligent effort on your part and will not happen unless grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit is working in your marriage.
Marriage is to be highly treasured. It has been pulled so low by so many we need to hold it up not just in apologetical defense from the Word of God but in practice as we live out such marriage before a watching world. As a married individual you must highly treasure marriage by living this kind of Ephesians 5 pattern in your life. If you are single and hope to be married some day you can highly treasure marriage by preparing yourself to be the king or queen as you wait for God to bring that right one into your life. Perhaps you are single here, and Paul says that some have this gift, to remain single for the purpose of serving the Lord. In this case you can highly treasure marriage by looking to the fact you are waiting for the day you will meet your Lord face to face at the marriage of the Lamb, with joy inexpressible and full of glory.
2. It is to be wholly accepted
This leads us to the second way the author tells us marriage is singular in its orientation is that it is to be wholly accepted. He continues in verse 4 by saying, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all.” It is to be accepted as this treasure by everyone. The sanctity and beauty of the marriage relationship, one man, one woman for life is to be universally accepted because God created it as a blessing.
In the Scripture we find that it was upheld as a good thing. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and he obtains favor from the Lord.” Marriage is to be wholly accepted because marriage is a source of God’s grace. He obtains “grace” from the Lord. If you are having difficulty in your marriage, there is grace available for you. You cannot blame God because your marriage is not working out. If you are struggling then seek His grace. His Word will give you answers.
We also see the need for continual affirmation of the goodness of marriage. The time that we are in is not the first time Satan has attacked marriage. In Jesus’ day, He had to reaffirm the sacred character of marriage. And He did so wherever He went. The religious leaders were minimizing the marriage relationship in His day. He had to set them straight. Let me read Mark 10:2-9. “Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ They said, ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.’ But Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. BUT from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave His father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.’” Here Jesus is harkening back to the pattern in creation. Marriage is to be permanent. He says that divorce was given by concession not by command. But from the beginning it was not what God intended. So even in His day, Jesus had to reaffirm the sanctity of the marriage relationship. Not only did He affirm its permanence but He affirmed its heterosexual nature. He said, God made them male and female. A man is to leave father and mother and cleave to his wife. Any other choice is against nature and design. This is not some matter of preference but a matter of God’s order in creation.
Unless the marriage institution is elevated among Christians and highly acclaimed, with action and not with lip service then it will not be wholly accepted among the nations. The marriage relationship is singular in its orientation.
B. It is singular in its consummation
The second feature of the privileged nature of marriage author describes is that it is singular in its consummation. In verse 4 he says, “the marriage bed is to be undefiled.” The consummation of marriage expressed in the sexual relationship is securely and clearly reserved for marriage alone. Within the confines of the marriage bed, sexuality is to be practiced in all purity. It is to be carried out not just for the purpose of procreation but also for enjoyment. Sex is God’s wedding gift. It is not to be opened before. It is to remain undefiled. What God forbids He does so, not to limit our enjoyment of sex, but increase our enjoyment of it. Now the author describes the limits God places on the consummation of the marriage relationship.
1. It is not to practiced outside of the covenant
The first limit God places on the consummation of the marriage relationship is it is not to be practiced outside of the covenant. He notes in verse 4, the word, “fornicator.” This deals with any kind of sexual relationship outside of the bonds of marriage. This means, “any.” “Any” means “any.” I need to define this because people try to redefine what it means to be sexually involved, including a recent past president, whose definitions of what sex is continued to change like the weather in March. Fornicators are those who have sex outside of God’s covenant of marriage.
The Bible is clear in speaking against fornication but there are still people who want to redefine the matter and say that you can go this far but not that far. This kind of reasoning has a two-fold error. First, by engaging in any kind of physical intimacy you are preparing yourself to partake in something you cannot bring to conclusion. You are not ready for it. And by participating in varying degrees of physical intimacy you are setting up both your mind and body for immorality. Secondly, the kinds of lines that are drawn (or maybe I should say redrawn) always invite further progress into the sexual relationship. If you are becoming physically involved your thoughts in your mind do not normally go to ” now where is that boundary” but instead “how far can I go.”
And so the line that must be drawn cannot be one that starts with, “what is acceptable physically” but it must begin with, “what is pure in mind, in emotions, and in body. The apostle Paul told the young pastor Timothy this piece of wonderful advice concerning the women in the church to whom he ministered. He said, “Treat the younger women as sisters in all purity.” The question you need to ask is “Am I thinking of this person, with whom I wish to pursue a relationship with the intention of marrying, as a sister or a brother? There is a way that a brother and sister treat each other. And there is a way in which they do not. Do you remember when Isaac and Rebekah went to live in Gerar? The men asked about her and to protect his life, Isaac lied and said, “She is my sister.” It is interesting to note the response of the king. In Genesis 26:8, the Scripture reads, “It came about…that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out through a window, and saw…[that] Isaac was caressing his wife Rebekah. Then Abimelech called Isaac and said, ‘Behold, certainly she is your wife! How then did you say, “She is my sister?”’” Friends, in case you didn’t know, “brothers do not caress sisters.” So Paul said to think of these women as sisters in all purity.
Please, do not think this is antiquated or unreasonable. It is what is right. It is God’s plan. Listen, you who have your eyes on someone, you will have all your lifetime to get to know them physically. Get to know who they are before you get to know what their body is like. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:3, “Immorality or any impurity…must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” The NIV says it this way, “There must not even be a hint of sexuality immorality.” Marriage is not to be practiced outside of the covenant.
2. It is not to be practiced in disregard of the covenant
The second limit God places on the consummation of the marriage relationship is it is not to be practiced in disregard of the covenant. The next word the author uses is “adulterer.” Under the marriage agreement (or covenant) that you make with God you vow to be completely faithful and devoted to your spouse. God says the joy of the marriage bed is not to be defiled with adultery. There is to be no sex outside of that bond or boundary. There is to be no sharing of your covenant. God limits the number in the marriage bed to two. Proverbs 5-7 is so instructive to show us the big picture in this. In Proverbs 5:15, Solomon says, “Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, as a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner?”
There is a covenant to be kept. The exhilaration of marital sex should not be clouded by adultery. There is a contrast between the wife of one’s youth, the wife of the covenant, and that of a foreigner. This exhilaration of marital sex is not procured, as the world thinks, by finding someone new. It is found by focusing on the one to whom you have promised your faithfulness. The world focuses on the feel of the first time. God compels us to drink from our own fountain because He knows that the joy from such a relationship grows only as the relationship does.
The adultery that ruins the sexual bliss in marriage can be physical adultery or imagined adultery. Viewing pornography can zap the joy of marital sex as completely as sex with a coworker. This kind of wickedness can be more pernicious than physical adultery because it brings unrealistic demands to the marriage bed. For women, there is an even more subtle start for adultery. It begins in the mind of the woman who thinks, “I wish my husband spoke to me like that. Or “He seems more interested in my concerns than my husband.” That too is the beginning of adultery and must be stopped.
If we relegate adultery to the realm of the physical world only we become like the Pharisees of Jesus’ day who thought they abstained from adultery but were brought up short when Jesus told them, “I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” We need to be a pure people and it starts with how we think about our spouse and how we think about others.
There is another aspect of the sexual relationship, related to this area, that Scripture tells us we must keep in mind. This is sexual relations between a husband and wife are to be regular and consistent. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Sex in the marriage relationship is to be regular and consistent. This is an explicit command of Scripture. The Bible shows us it is the responsibility of each spouse to recognize this need for the other’s pleasure. Sex, in God’s viewpoint, is to be a giving event. When it has become a taking event, it loses its true significance. Unless each spouse is thinking of the other’s need then this will not work. Sex loses its meaning as God intended and ruins the joy it was meant to bring.
Paul couches this subject in the language of authority, “the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, the wife doesn’t have authority over her body” because sex is not to be used as a bargaining tool or the means of gaining victory in an argument. Paul said do not withhold yourself from one another or else you are defrauding your spouse.
Notice that the only exception Paul gave to this was spiritual. If there was a necessity to spend extra time in prayer because of some important issue then so be it. But only for an agreed specified time. Again I say this is a clear command of Scripture. You, as husband and wife are to have regular, consistent sexual relations. It doesn’t give any excuse for not doing so. Now the passage doesn’t describe what regular and consistent is but I will put myself out on a limb here and say it is more in keeping with a schedule of filling up your gas tank than changing your oil (assuming you have a decent commute to work).
The marriage bed is not to be defiled by adultery. You need to have a singular focus on your spouse, without exception.
II. Marriage Is A Protected Institution
We have seen that marriage is a privileged institution, singular in its orientation and singular in its consummation. But now we notice the second attribute of marriage; this is marriage is a protected institution. The author tells us, “fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Here is the serious consequence of disregarding God’s provision for marriage. Those who would refuse to seek His plan for marriage will receive God’s righteous wrath. I have listed several ways in which the Scripture says God’s judgment may fall upon an individual
The first way an individual may experience God’s judgment is guilt. In Genesis 2:25 that we noted earlier, the Scripture says, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Unashamed nakedness is found only in this marriage bond. God may bring the full weight of the consequences of this sin upon a person’s life by the guilt that plagues them for their action. It can ruin future sex, even when married later, and the guilt of this sin may torment a person in any number of ways for the rest of their life. Why? Adulterers and fornicators God will judge. There would be no guilt in sexuality if marital fidelity were practiced.
Secondly, an individual may experience God’s consequential judgment through disease. Listen to more of that instructive material in Proverbs 5. Solomon says, “the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as [poison]…you [will] groan at your final end, when your flesh and body are consumed; and you say, ‘how I have hated instruction! And my heart spurned reproof!” In 7:23 toward the end of this material it describes that the consequences would be like an arrow piercing his liver. I think it is interesting that many of the sexually transmitted diseases cause a person’s flesh and body to be consumed and some even ruin the liver. And no one who takes thought to disregard God’s plan for sexuality ever thinks, “I am going to get a disease this time.” Why does this happen? Adulterers and fornicators God will judge. There would be no STD’s if marital fidelity were practiced.
Thirdly, an individual may experience God’s judgment through dissatisfaction. They may find that God’s wedding gift to them, sexuality cannot fulfill. They think that it is the sex that satisfies but they will ultimately realize it does not. Some years ago I read an article about the basketball great, Wilt Chamberlain. He spoke of the hundreds of women with whom he had one-night stands. But he said that he regretted not being able to find one woman with whom he could be satisfied. Why? Adulterers and fornicators God will judge.
Fourth, an individual may experience God’s judgment through divorce. Dr. Neil Clark Warren wrote an article entitled, “The Cohabitation Epidemic.” In it he wrote, “People who cohabitated prior to marriage had a 46 percent higher marital failure rate than” those who did not live together. In other words, the very reason for which people live together (to see if your compatible) is invalid. It causes higher divorce rates and greater turmoil and stress within a marriage. Why? Adulterers and fornicators God will judge.
But ultimately we see something even more serious. Those who reject God’s plan for sexuality within marriage receive God’s wrath. In Ephesians 5:5-6, Paul says, “Know this with certainty, that no immoral or impure person…has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.” Friend, don’t deceive yourself into thinking that the immorality in which you engage has no bearing on your salvation. If you are content to continue in immorality know that it is a sure indication you have not been saved. For salvation must come through belief in God’s Word with repentance. If there is no repentance there is no true faith. And if there is no true faith then there is no true salvation. Let no one deceive you with empty words. For trying to assuage your conscience without dealing with the sin problem is simply folly. For the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience because of these things.
Now having said all of this, perhaps you have been involved in sexual sin. Perhaps you have experienced the effects of God’s temporary consequential judgment. God can forgive and restore you. There is forgiveness at the cross. But there must be repentance. Proverbs 30:20 speaks about the unrepentant attitude of the adulteress. It says, “This is the way of an adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done no wrong.’” She considers her sexual exploits as casually as eating a meal. There are people who want forgiveness for their sin but are unwilling to be repentant over it. They will not be in contrition over their sin and weep over it and seek to leave it. There can be no forgiveness there.
But there is forgiveness for those who do seek God’s grace in repentance. And in God’s grace there is not only forgiveness but there is power to live righteously as well.
Friends, God has created us to run on the tracks. There is freedom in staying on the tracks.